Bad Fact No. 1: Your six-year old niece has gonorrhea.
Bad Fact No. 2: So do you.
Bad Fact No. 3: Your niece tells the police, while crying, and utterly credibly, that you improperly touched her.
Bad Fact No. 4: You admit to the police that you did indeed improperly touch her.
Bad Fact No. 5: Your story as to how the niece contracted gonorrhea is that you were innocently tickling her on the bed, she left, you promptly got an erection and began to masterbate, she came back in and started jumping on and tickling you, and then your penis somehow innocently "slipped" into her vagina during this process. Very credible. Happens all the time.
Icing on the Cake: You tell the police that your six-year old niece is constantly "coming onto you" and "purposely seducing you" by wearing loosely fitting clothes and climing so you can see up her skirt. In short, that your -- let me repeat, six-year old niece -- was "asking for it".
Are you really surprised as to where you'll stay for the next several decades?
