Thursday, September 25, 2008

DirecTV v. Webb (9th Cir. - Sept. 25, 2008)

You can occasionally obtain helpful life tips by reading Ninth Circuit opinions. Tips that will make your life go a little bit better, without the nasty bumps that events may otherwise sometimes bring.

So, for example, after reading this case, one might easily derive the following lesson: When you're stealing DirecTV by buying pirated access devices over the internet, make sure to tell your girlfriend.

Admittedly, disclosure of that fact might make you look a little cheap, and perhaps diminish your luster. But doing so will at least stop your girlfriend from calling DirecTV's customer service line when DirecTV employs electronic countermeasures on "Black Sunday" to knock out pirated devices. Because, my friend, once she calls, and once customer service rapidly determines that the caller isn't, in fact, paying for DirectTV, that's pretty good evidence that you're stealing the signal. And you'll be busted. And have to pay not only whatever statutory damages the court awards, but also a whole lot to your attorneys. An amount that, I assure you, is far beyond the $39.95 a month (or whatever) it costs for DirecTV.

So don't steal. Don't get caught stealing. And tell your girlfriend.